We walk a tightrope through life. We seek balance in happiness, love, work, play.
I bobbled my way through my teenage years; arms windmilling in the air, leaning this way and that whenever the wind would blow. The slightest thing would put me off my concentration. Cute boy thinks Im cute! Weeeeeeeee, I'd run along that damn tightrope. Cute boy thinks another girl is cuter. Thud. Off I'd fall. I'd pull my friends off of their tightropes to help boost me back up on mine, weeping and moaning all the way.
In my twenties I reluctantly straightened up and found a focal point somewhere in mid-distance. I herky jerked my way forward. It wasn't pretty, but at least it was a little more determined and a little less messy.
After a while, out of the corner of my eye, I could see something happening. There was another rope in the distance, and as I moved ever forward, I saw that rope and my rope were going to come together. Up there in the distance, I saw him walking on that rope. Right alongside mine. He stopped and waited for me to catch up. I approached him with narrowed eyes and a cautious heart.
I was getting along on my rope just fine. Did I really need a walking partner? I'd seen people who tried this whole thing together and I'd seen them push each other off their ropes. I knew how hard getting back on could be. I knew people who didn't even know how to walk their own rope. They were always recruiting new suckers to stand below them, perpetually propping them back up. Risky business, this involving somebody else. Might just be better to stay the course all by myself.
When I came up alongside, he held out his arm. His palm was up, facing me. I took a good long look in those greenish golden eyes. They were calm and steady and didn't look away. After a cleansing breath, I pressed my palm to his. We started walking forward together, and damned if it wasn't easier to balance. I relaxed and started to enjoy my tightrope. It was so much easier with somebody there to lean on!
We had a ceremony and promised to walk beside each other, holding each other up, forever. Our friends and family were there and they held our ropes still so the walking was easier than I had ever known!
After a while, the wind started to blow. I sped up, because I always found it easier to go really fast and just get through the storm. He slowed down. I guess that's what he'd always done. In a moment of shock and confusion we stared at each other. Our eyes were wide with disbelief and anger as we fell off our ropes. I couldn't believe he let me fall. I was as disgusted with him as he was with me. I'd signed on to forever with him? He couldn't even hold me up through one tiny little storm! We were both too proud to turn to friends or family, so we reluctantly helped each other back up on our ropes and started to walk again. More storms came and went, and we fell off almost every time. We refused to admit that maybe our way wasn't perfect. Sometimes we just acted like assholes and pushed the other off for the fun of it. We fell off our ropes a lot. It was exhausting.
As time went on we found a better rhythm. When storms hit, I would anticipate him slowing down. He could feel my desire to speed up. We would talk it through before the storm got really bad. We would analyze the storm and decide just how we were going to weather it. More and more often we got it right. We realized that it was better to outrun some storms. Sometimes we had more success just buckling down and letting the storm have its way. Those times were even kind of cozy, because our hands were locked together in a warm safe bond I was sure a thousand tornadoes couldn't break.
It has been nine years now, and we're still walking side by side. Our walk is pretty smooth. Sometimes we even strut. When we see storms brewing in the distance, we look at each other and shrug. We'll get there when we get there. Sometimes the winds blow harder on his rope or mine. I know he will do his best to help me maintain my balance, but I know he can't do it for me. I wobble and I windmill and I wish he'd just get down and hold me up. But then I would be just like those people I always rolled my eyes at. The ones who didn't even try to walk alone. After the storm passes, I look over at him and feel so grateful that he let me find my own way through. Its wonderful to know I can.
These days, our palms just kiss. They used to be all smashed together, only to break apart as once again, balance was lost. We leaned too hard. One little misstep on either person's side would send us into a fit of spastic reaching and wobbling. Now we're pretty steady. Hell, we could probably walk just fine alone. But we see some rain clouds on the horizon, so why bother? Plus, it's way more fun to walk together.
Someday our ropes will diverge, we all walk alone in the end. When the day comes where our ropes go in different directions, too far for our mortal hands to reach, I hope we smile and wave goodbye. I hope we look into each other's eyes, and know we have helped each other enough. That we then turn, and walk steadily in love, towards whatever awaits us up ahead.
