Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Two days in. I'm no longer in the running for stay at home mom of the year. Nasty tones have been used, no butts have been smacked. The kid that talks did ask - loudly, and outside with sweet elderly concerned neighbors in hearing distance but hopefully the elderly part made it not actually within hearing distance - why I choked him. After I picked my jaw back up from the ground and asked him just when this incident occurred, he went on to give specifics with an earnestness of testimony upon which any sane jury would definitely have convicted me. And here I thought we'd had a pretty decent day! Not so, overconfident one!

Duly humbled, I began day two this morning with modest expectations. I started off by letting our newly acquired one year old border collie, Gus, out with our goats, Mindy and Steven, as my husband had encouraged me to do in order to exercise the pup. My husband has no love for my pet goats and would not have cared that I saw their sweet little caprine lives flash before my eyes. Turns out the apparently vicious attack left only slobber and Gus actually has some key characteristics of a very talented stock dog. I have an appointment with a trainer tomorrow. That we can't afford. Husband was not impressed with my lack of frugality. Ass. He's the one who decided we were getting this dog. What part of "one year old untrained border collie" sounded frugal to him? Anyhow I'm the one here who has to live with the dog who is fixated on everything that moves (the trainer says I am not to allow him to stare at anything he could potentially move - I'll get right on that as my children eat soap and beat each other bloody) But really, he's a nice dog. A really nice dog. He aims to please. And I'm scared I might come to love him. My last doggie love ended badly. Kidney failure and euthanasia. It hurts to love a dog. I've spent the last six years in doggie apathy, appreciating from a distance. It was nice. We'll see how it goes. 

Me and the kids did well though. I've found muscles I had no idea existed. Probably something to do with sitting on my rear end for the last three years proofreading or appearing to do so. I get up at 7 and seriously go and go and go until 9. At which time I am still going, but its in a sitting position. Today was mountain of laundry day. Tomorrow will be bathroom cleaning. It's gonna be ugly. I got the jump on it tonight by wiping down the most disgusting of the toilets. Husband had to work out of town this week, so I'm really starting this thing off with a bang - minus a husband, plus a dog - and I'm determined to have the place sparkling when he gets back, b/c I KNOW he thinks I can't swing it. Ass!

Anyhow, thought I'd introduce you to my cast of characters (minus the farm animals I'm sure they will have their chance)


This is Boone, he's almost 2. He gets away with stuff he shouldn't. He's an angel.


This is Willie, he just turned 5. He also gets away with stuff he shouldn't, like owning a pillow pet (did I actually pay money for that hideous thing?) He's a charmer and both my boys ended up with dimples on their right cheeks. Can't resist 'em. He's been helping me out with dad gone. He's really bossy and makes sure I walk the line. 


This is husband. He values his privacy beyond all else so no names he thinks he is under cover. He's a wonderful man/ass hybrid. I love him a lot.

And here are some pictures I shot over the weekend on our way back from a zoo vacation to Salt Lake City. What better way to let a new dog run than at the Bonneville Salt Flats right?






Have a nice day!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Oh Hell. Here We Go.

I can't seem to get this blog off the ground. I created it several days ago, got a title, a picture and then stalled out. I don't know what to say! I want awesome! I want inspiring! I want to knock myself out with my with wit and coolness. So not happening!

Here I sit on my last day at work, a notebook in my bag on which I've written a couple of potential blog opening blog posts, stressing about how I will have our household self sufficient - like, yesterday. Breaking out in hives about how I wish I had actual beehives and how I will be creating fanfreakingtastic dinners all next week to kick off my whole Stay At Home Mom career. Reminding myself that I probably should make an oath to butcher a chicken with my own bare hands within the year if I really want to be authentic about this whole providing our own food thing. I'm planning the awesome craft projects I will undertake immediately so they might eventually evolve into a small source of income which might allow me to continue my SAHM career. Then, the kids! Oh the kids! I'll be at home with them EVERY DAY. By. myself. With my five year old who takes it upon himself to micro manage my every move ("Mom! you'll burn our toast!" "Mom! Why did you just change lanes?!") and my two year old who I'm afraid will take my constant presence as a sign that this whole breastfeeding thing shouldn't be on its way out afterall - boobies all day! Boobie Revival! And me myself and I will be the responsible one. Cloth diapers, dont' forget those, I'll be starting back up with those now that I'm home too....


Such high expectations of myself! Clearly it is time for a mental self bitch slap - which I've given. I'm not going to make awesome dinners every night next week. DUH. I'm going to use an unreasonably short tone with my boys, I'd go so far as to say that one of them will likely suffer a smack on the rear at some point (oooo maybe this will be my first controversial post!). I'll definitely not be beheading a chicken anytime soon, and this initial blog post is probably gonna kind of suck. Witless and scattered, its the way I roll - often. But I'm breaking the ice. I'm packing up my office today, saying goodbye to the wonderful and poor souls I've shared this less than inspiring job with, and heading into uncharted territory. Me, with no paying job, but a multitude of jobs nonetheless. The important thing is that these little jobs have names and heartbeats that originated in my body. And one with a name and heartbeat that put them there. And I can't wait to go to work for them.

This is where I'm gonna come to discuss my successes and failures and general ruminations on life as I know it and hope for it to be. Its sort of a grand experiment in quitting the working world with a very small cushion formerly known as my retirement account....because it felt like the only right thing to do. I'd be honored if you read along with me!