Oh Hell. Here We Go.

I can't seem to get this blog off the ground. I created it several days ago, got a title, a picture and then stalled out. I don't know what to say! I want awesome! I want inspiring! I want to knock myself out with my with wit and coolness. So not happening!

Here I sit on my last day at work, a notebook in my bag on which I've written a couple of potential blog opening blog posts, stressing about how I will have our household self sufficient - like, yesterday. Breaking out in hives about how I wish I had actual beehives and how I will be creating fanfreakingtastic dinners all next week to kick off my whole Stay At Home Mom career. Reminding myself that I probably should make an oath to butcher a chicken with my own bare hands within the year if I really want to be authentic about this whole providing our own food thing. I'm planning the awesome craft projects I will undertake immediately so they might eventually evolve into a small source of income which might allow me to continue my SAHM career. Then, the kids! Oh the kids! I'll be at home with them EVERY DAY. By. myself. With my five year old who takes it upon himself to micro manage my every move ("Mom! you'll burn our toast!" "Mom! Why did you just change lanes?!") and my two year old who I'm afraid will take my constant presence as a sign that this whole breastfeeding thing shouldn't be on its way out afterall - boobies all day! Boobie Revival! And me myself and I will be the responsible one. Cloth diapers, dont' forget those, I'll be starting back up with those now that I'm home too....

Such high expectations of myself! Clearly it is time for a mental self bitch slap - which I've given. I'm not going to make awesome dinners every night next week. DUH. I'm going to use an unreasonably short tone with my boys, I'd go so far as to say that one of them will likely suffer a smack on the rear at some point (oooo maybe this will be my first controversial post!). I'll definitely not be beheading a chicken anytime soon, and this initial blog post is probably gonna kind of suck. Witless and scattered, its the way I roll - often. But I'm breaking the ice. I'm packing up my office today, saying goodbye to the wonderful and poor souls I've shared this less than inspiring job with, and heading into uncharted territory. Me, with no paying job, but a multitude of jobs nonetheless. The important thing is that these little jobs have names and heartbeats that originated in my body. And one with a name and heartbeat that put them there. And I can't wait to go to work for them.

This is where I'm gonna come to discuss my successes and failures and general ruminations on life as I know it and hope for it to be. Its sort of a grand experiment in quitting the working world with a very small cushion formerly known as my retirement account....because it felt like the only right thing to do. I'd be honored if you read along with me!